Sandwiched between Mother and Wife
NATIONAL JOURNAL OF HOMOEOPATHY 2003 Nov / Dec VOL V NO 6.
Dr Prasad H Saundankar
'Calc-carb
Now Son’s case-
He is a 31 yrs, of average built, wheatish to dark complexion, bespectacled
and a serious look.
In Childhood-financial situation was not so good. Father had no fixed job-
used to distribute newspaper daily. Worked in a private press. Did not
participate in house responsibility, while mother would clean utensils and other
maid’s work. Fa & Mo relationship was strained. Patient and his sister
would help Mo in her housework from the time patient can remember. He involved
himself in education & responsibilities towards home and no outside
activities, no friends thereafter. He used to think that mother does all work
for us & I should help her. Not ashamed of any work.
Academic- The time he would get after school he used to do small jobs. At
school he never failed; got 54% in 10th ; 62% in 12th
, 60% at B Com. Till 11th /12th he
used to go with mother for housework; later did small jobs. Still later got job
in Sarda.
He completed B.Com. Simultaneously he worked as a clerk cum typist at Sarda
camel house. There he was paid very little but since he needed a job badly, he
did it. He also tried at Satpur in various factories but because of no
influence, could not get proper job. Later he got job of clerk in court on his
own merit.
Family
Since his marriage, a difficult atmosphere prevailed at home. As they have
come up from poverty, his mother does not like wastage; wants everybody should
wake-up early, clean home, fill drinking water etc. Mother does not like food
prepared by wife . So mother quarrels with wife. Wife also retaliates. Patient
does not like quarrels. He takes side of wife which < situation. He feels
sandwiched, repents marrying. I have to look after home anyhow". Yet Mother
calls him selfish and he cannot oppose her. She is highly irritable, hot, [all
her maiden family is like this]. Fa is simple [all his family is simple by
nature]. I tried a lot to stop this because I know my mother has done a lot of
hardwork for me & now I should do for mother. Wife was mild in first 4-5
months of marriage but changed in behavior because of mother. Neither wife nor
mother submit. Now the tension is, if either Mother or wife, do any harm to
themselves like suicide, it will lead to a court case and I will loose my job.
His nature: does not like fight/quarrels. Trembles if sees fight outside. If
any time he sees crowd in his area while returning from office, he fears that
whether Mo/wife has committed suicide!
Now since few weeks wife is at her mother’s house for pregnancy rest. Before
both would come to his office [court] after quarrel, to tell the story. Since
then feels fear [anything wrong at home like suicide] if anybody approaches him
even for giving tiffin.
He said that " he & mother never quarreled before; I used to adjust
anywhere; while sister & Fa used to quarrel with mother as they would not
listen to her. Since beginning I fear scolding by mother."
During college days he did not make friends to avoid expenditure. He is calm by
nature since beginning. Now in office he mixes with others. He feels he has got
maturity before time. His sister would show aversion to work but pt never did.
At work place if boss even scolds, he gets tense and thinks he will be
suspended. If anybody talks badly, he does not answer back. Even though he is
not at fault, he tolerates. He never says no to anybody. To save his job, he
also does extrawork. Even to relatives he never says no; never quarrels; never
hurts other; says :You never know when you will need anybody in future.
When he was telling all this, he was quite serious and appeared much disturbed.
When he had came with mother for her case, had same intense talk like today.
Discussion
This is a case of a son sandwiched between mother and wife’ conflict.
From patient’s viewpoint: he is sandwiched between role of son and role of
husband. Mother was under psychiatrist’s treatment for great
irritability. Naturally all family members were suffering because of mother. So
how could a new daughter-in-law live in such a atmosphere? Her behaviour is
understandable. Only patient needs to balance: On one hand he wants to give all
happines to mother, on the other hand he does not want to do injustice with
wife. He cannot balance and withdraws. To top it, he is submissive, adjusting,
sensitive to hurt; with low self esteem. So it leads to insecurity, fears &
anxieties-of losing job; of fight; of family members doing harm to self.
