Post Retirement Blues - An avoidable life hazard
NATIONAL JOURNAL OF HOMOEOPATHY 1999 Jan / Feb VOL VIII NO 1.
T K Kasiviswanathan
Mr Kasivishwanathan, one of the most productive members of the NJH team, is probably the most qualified to talk on this subject. He retired 6 yrs ago as Chief General Manager of National Bank for Agriculture and Rural Development, and planned his retirement well. Homoeopathy has always been a love of his life; and a chance meeting with the Editor of NJH chalked out his retirement plans in no uncertain terms! He joined NJH- but only for 10 hrs a week. He was certain he wanted the luxury of retirement too! - Editor
Inevitability of Retirement
Three things are certain in this world: death, taxes and retirement.
It is a pity we don't prepare for these inevitable events. Whether one likes it or not, one has to retire from service, business and one day, from life itself. We meet retired persons everyday. In our office, we often participate in farewell functions, yet we think it will never happen to us! And so we do not prepare for such an eventuality in advance. Such unpreparedness results in a lot of anxieties and blues. With better Health care and increased longevity, the percentage of aged population in India is increasing; so are the attendant problems for the nation, society and the aged themselves.
Habit: The 9 to 5 Syndrome
This is the biggest anxiety a person faces immediately after retirement- nothing to do during the hours which he earlier devoted to his office. No need to take a hurried bath and rush to catch the 8-05 fast. The large chunk of time between 9AM and 8PM, which is well structured while in service, is now free. Suddenly a vacuum is created which is not easy to
fill unless properly planned. Many people dread this non-routine, non-occupation and free time. They become dejected, depressed and age faster.
Loss Of Money, Status and Power - Plus Perks and Ego
It sounds so good: executive director or general manager of a corporate body. It swells your ego and gives you a certain position. Even spouses bask in this, being an MD's wife! Once you retire, this ego gets a sound thrashing and you are one among the several general managers who have retired. Even your subordinates, who were obsequious when in service, do not care for you once you leave an organization. You feel so upset that the organization and the bosses, for whom you sacrificed the best part of your life and health, no longer care for you or give you the same respect. If you were a senior executive and were accustomed to an air-conditioned car with chauffeur, you've had it. These perks are immediately and unceremoniously withdrawn the very next day of your retirement and you feel as if lost in a highway and alone. That is why many senior executives including IAS officers, desperately and shamelessly seek extensions to postpone the evil day. This is called the MSR (Money, Status and Reputation) syndrome in the words of Northcote Parkinson. People chase these objectives throughout their career and in the rat race, compromise their principles, neglect their families, ruin their health, antagonize their friends and trod on the toes of their colleagues.
(Editor: My husband, who is in the corporate world, and therefore at the receiving end of retirement requests, often says that these people never go out of their way to help anyone while in power, yet they expect help when out of power! Their hitherto rude behaviour now suddenly changes! Why can't they be nice when in power?)
People often realize very late that they have been chasing a mirage, not worth the trouble and sacrifice; yet desperately long for the same even after retirement, as if it is the be-all and end-all of life. The loss of such false prestige and perks causes tremendous anxiety because with reduced income, they feel that they cannot maintain their former status and standard of living.
Anxiety About Health -
During service, one is subjected to tremendous pressures and stresses from every quarter. That, coupled with untimely and unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise, spell doom to one's health: one tends to get hypertension, heart trouble and other chronic ailments. After retirement these health problems get worse because of physiological degeneration and also anxiety and negative outlook. People with Type A personality are susceptible to this anxiety unless they re-engineer their habits and philosophy of life. Then again if the spouse falls sick, it causes greater anxiety. In some families there may be handicapped children. (I closely know two such families). The greatest anxiety is whether his other children will look after the handicapped or his spouse after their death. His very aged parents with chronic illnesses, may be still living which immobilizes the retired person and his wife. All these anxieties are real and cannot be wished away.
Anxiety About Poverty
Many retired people I meet, have this serious anxiety about not having enough money to lead a happy retired life. This is more so if there are still daughters to be married off or sons to be educated. The problem gets compounded with ever increasing prices. Despite soaring prices of onion and potatoes and tomatoes, banks refuse to see reality and are ever bent on reducing the interest rates on fixed deposits. The once mutual fund attraction has failed, as all of them are faring badly with the bad situation in the stock market. A retired person is thus caught between rising prices and the falling fixed income; over both of which he has no control. To some extent pensioners are a little better off, because pensions are linked to the cost of living index. This anxiety gets further compounded because of the unnatural desire to maintain the standard of living one was accustomed to, part of which was borne by the employers.
NRI Blues
It is now very common that sons or daughters are abroad and the retired person has really an anxiety. They feel abandoned and forsaken. Though they may be welcome to stay with their NRI offspring, the cultural shocks of adjusting to the new environment and emptiness and lack of company during five days of the week, when the son and daughter-in-law work, are really traumatic. One cannot stay long with a daughter. With stringent regulations regarding visas, increasing cost of airfare and exorbitant price of medical care abroad, many parents of NRIs are forced to stay put in India except for bi-annual visits for a few months. They also feel uncomfortable and a burden if they have to stay long with the other offspring in India in the absence of an alternative.
Anxiety of Being Forsaken and Abandoned
This is also real. I have come across some retired persons who are admitted into the old age home as their NRI children are not able to look after them nor able to take them to stay with them. This generates a lot of anxiety as one gets older. This is an anxiety which every one anticipates on retirement.
Anxiety of Losing the Spouse -
After marriage a husband and wife, despite their differences and outlook and bickering, develop closeness and mutual caring which are nurtured over the years. Losing the spouse after retirement, which is inevitable, causes tremendous anxiety. Many age faster after the spouse passes away; often die soon after.
How to Beat the Blues?
- Postpone the Evil Day
One way is obvious and that is to seek re-employment or hop from one job to another thus postponing the retirement age. Or seek extensions from time to time. This option is not available to all. - The First Step
Retirement should be welcomed as a desirable process of disengagement from one activity to another. It also gives the retired person to choose the kind of life he wants. Northcote Parkinson classifies retired/ nearing retirement people into five categories- The Mature Individual takes a pragmatic view of things and situation and rides on top of it.
- The Rocking Chair Individual leans on others and takes it easy.
- The Armoured Individual is determined, strong willed and wants to remain active and independent.
- The Angry Individual blames every one else for his ills, failures and frustrations. The extension he did not get, though deserved, the denied legitimate salary increases, inconsiderate behaviour of boss etc.
- The Self-Hating Individual wallows in self-pity and blames himself and lives in the past and bemoans the lost opportunities or those missed.
- Accepting the fact that one has to retire as inevitable and getting reconciled to it is the major first step. One has to re-write his life script from the earlier career- oriented script, which he played for over 35-40 years. The real essence of retirement is TO CHOOSE that kind of life, which is rewarding, fulfilling and satisfying and a life you live for yourself without extraneous compulsions and conflicting priorities.
- Changing One's Values
On retirement, one has to change one's value system, earlier based on status, money and reputation ie from a person worth having to a person worth being. He should not bother about what others will say and lead a life of creativity, integrity and autonomy. - Preconditionsfor a Happy Retired Life are
- Good emotional and physical health.
- Adequate income beyond subsistence level.
- Suitable accommodation.
- One or more absorbing interests and
- Adequate philosophy of life.
- Ensuring Good Mental Health
A retired person should begin and maintain high morale and right attitudes. Age is a state of mind. "If you have left your dreams behind and if hope is cold and if you no longer look ahead and if your ambitions are dead, then you are old."
"Old age is a continuum. It is not static. A satisfying and graceful old age involves learning to accept the growing body deterioration and adapting your lifestyle to deteriorating abilities". - Financial Audit
The most major anxiety is, of course, financial security. It is important that the retired person periodically carries out a financial audit of his resources. This covers near accurate estimate of income from all sources, and recurrent expenditure and provision for hospitalization through insurance etc. He has to cut his coat according to cloth and reduce his wants, which are no longer needed. He should include provision for travel and pursuit of hobbies of self and wife. He should then think of leaving something for his children. The other day, in a stationery shop, I saw an apt card- decrying the valueless ness of money:
Money can give you possessions but not happiness;
Money can give you house but not a home where you want to return;
Money can build a temple but not buy God
One can lead a very peaceful life only when one does not become obsessive about possessing and working for money. He should only see that he has just more than adequate income to keep the body and soul together, as otherwise the same rat race continues even after retirement. - Bridging the Time Gap
When one retires, he has to find another routine to fill this enormous time, which becomes suddenly available everyday besides the usual Saturdays and Sundays. The important fact is that he is in full control of this time and he can do what he pleases. One may think that he can be a COUCH POTATO and while away his time daily. Unfortunately it does not work that way and he will only get bored, and dull after a few days. It is therefore essential to substitute the old one with a new routine.
- Re-employment. The availability of such opportunities depends on the qualifications and experience of the person. But here also a stage will come when he has but to retire.
- Structure the time gap with some normal routine and devote time for pursuing some worthwhile goals such as learning a new language, like Sanskrit, reading books of famous authors which one could not do while in service, learning yoga, Reiki etc to tone up health. Some part of the time can easily be devoted to spiritual growth and for pooja. These options are open when you change your value system to a person worth being.
- Part-time honorary service for hospitals, NGOs, societies and trusts which desperately need your expertise; it is really fulfilling and satisfying- as it is like repaying one's debt to society.
- Blueprint for Maintaining Good Health
Systematic attention to maintaining good health is the most important, especially if you are a childless couple or a NRI parent.- Avoid stress.
- Eat sensibly and live longer.
- Avoid getting overweight.
- Do regular exercises without straining; learn yogasanas.
- Avoid minor vices, which may in course of time become major ones.
- Certain precautions such as walking floors carefully, climbing stairs slowly, crossing the streets carefully and avoid getting into a moving bus, are absolutely necessary not only for you but also for preventing worries to your family.
- Detached Attachment
Our most common attachments are to material objects, to past, family, ideas, prejudices, opinions, ego and money. It is the source of anxiety and neurosis when it is excessive. One should develop an attitude of detached attachment like a water drop on the lotus leaf. One has to learn to ride lightly on the saddle of life. Detachment means surrendering to a higher power that shapes our destiny. Detachment in practical life consists of flowing with what you encounter rather than being inwardly critical. Try substituting cooperation in place of competition. Do not run other's lives and keep your counsel to yourself. Adjust to changing scenario inside the house and outside. A recognition that everything that had happened had to happen and everything that must happen cannot be stopped. It is all part of the synchronicity of the universe.
Khalil Gibran says in his "Prophet" -
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you, yet they do not belong to you". Learn to feel these apt words always so that we know where we stand vis- a -vis our children. If we educated our children and helped them to be settled in life, it was our duty and they were given to us in trust; if the children look after us in our retirement and old age, it is their greatness and our good fortune.
Post-retirement is a cross which every one of us has to bear. Our destination may be short or long and some may have more handicaps than the others. We only have to carry the cross. Our attitude and habits, which are reengineered after retirement, can make this journey pleasant and comfortable or depressed and painful. It is always better if advance planning is done when one is in his 40's, so that he does not have to undergo this trauma.
- Editor
