Humouropathy
NATIONAL JOURNAL OF HOMOEOPATHY 1997 Sep / Oct VOL 5 NO 5.
Dr Parinaz Humranwala
Thus read the wedding card of Miss Phosphorus and Mr Lycopodium. Postman Tuberculinum, with a beaming smile ran from house to house, distributing the cards in most streets of Hahnemann Nagar. When Tuberculinum dropped the card at Mr Natrum-mur's doorstep, he hastened to see it and his face turned as white as salt. Alas, he had wished his sweetheart, Miss Phos, would change her mind at the last minute. In a dark room with a sad song playing in the background he wondered why people always robbed him. When he had asked Miss Phos at their last meeting 'What does Mr Lyco have that I don't ?' Miss Phos had replied 'You, Natrum, live in the past and I love the future and hence I preferred Lyco.' How those words had pierced his heart. This was his second girlfriend who had jilted him. May be, he thought, I should have suggested a live-in relationship to Miss Phos. But now with the card in his hands he knew the battle was lost. He sang to himself
'Roses Are Red, And Violets Are Blue,
But Alas My Sweetheart
No One Will Be As Sweet As You.'
After parting ways with Mr Natrum-mur, Miss Phosphorus met Mr Lycopodium at a party. She fell headlong in love with him, admiring his eloquence and charisma, not to mention his rich status with loads of money. [not disclosed in the VDIS Scheme] She could actually further her looks by engaging the best costume and jewellery designer. Their courtship days were memorable and people who saw them felt that they could win the 'WILLS- made for each other' contest.
The wedding day arrived and Mrs Arsenic who was in charge of the Shamiana and decorations had done a superb job. Flowers lined the pathway to the stage, a fountain in the centre was illuminated, chairs immaculately arranged, everything was just prim and proper.
The bride's entourage had to reach Hering grounds for welcoming the baraat. The baraat procession from Boger street to the marriage venue looked like some medieval prince's caravan. Mr Lyco, apprehensive and nervous was driven by a four-steered chariot which was flanked by flourescent lights, preceded by gaudily bedecked elephants and enveloped by the overwhelming T.H. Band.[Tarentula-hisp]. How Mr Lyco loved the pomp and glamour around him! He was going to marry the most beautiful lady in town and he had flattered his fiancé with these comments which she loved to listen over and over again. The bride, in her stunning outfit designed by none other than Carcinosin, (dress designer of Miss World - Aaishwarya Rai) looked gorgeous and the guests eyes were glued to her pretty face. The wedding was well attended by the rich and the famous.
Mrs Sepia, who was seated in the first row with her five mischievous children, looked at Miss Phos's effulgent smile and murmured to herself, ' Char Dinoo Ki Chandni Phir Andheri Raat.' Had I known what marriage was all about, I would never have got married. Unshaven and unkempt Mr Sulphur, took a glass of water from the waiter and began to wash his face with it in the presence of many guests leaving them dumbfounded. Miss Platina with her nose in the air, refused to talk to the lowly people around her; instead she spoke on her mobile for an hour. Mr Natrum mur walked in with a bouquet of flowers, looking straight into Miss Phos's eyes who seated on the stage singing to himself 'Mera Dil Khula Hai Khula Hi Rahega Tumare Lye.' Miss Phos smiled though she hated his salty presence.
The ceremony was short and the priest Pandit Sulphuric-acid who seemed to be in a great hurry himself pronounced them Man and Wife.
At dinner the wedding couple sat next to each other with Phos sipping her Pepsi and Lyco his brandy in warm water. The menu was specially designed to cater to the needs of all the guests. Miss Puls, Mr Sulph, and Mr Medorrhinum preferred to sit outside the Shamiana for a while to get some air. Mr Bryonia refused to budge an inch from his place, as he appeared badly in need of absolute rest. Mrs Calc carb was trying to find a chair in which she could possibly fit. Baby Baryta carb could not find stones to fling about, and hence found an able substitute in saucers which she flung about at strangers.
There were sour pickles for Mrs Ant-crud; buttermilk for Sabadilla; cheese burger from McDonalds for baby Argentum-nit; highly seasoned food for China; bread for Miss Gratiola and some odd ones like Cicuta preferred to eat charcoal.
All of a sudden there was some commotion with Mr Thuja desperately pushing his way through the crowd to the cloak room. But unfortunately before he could make his way to Mr Thuja's sphincter gave way and it all came out as if from a bunghole. Mr Thuja was served onions by mistake which were actually meant for Miss Allium- cepa and hence the problem.
Miss Phos nearly vomited with the stink that enveloped the grounds. Mr Lyco comforted his wife in his arms and gave her ice- cold water to drink to help her nausea. 'I knew something was going to happen, my sixth sense warned me' uttered Phos. The couple requested the guests that they be excused and with fingers intertwined, the couple raced out of the Shamiana to their Mercedes Benz with "JUST MARRIED" board at the hind to an unknown destination [sorry, can't be mentioned] for their HONEYMOON.
